Yuffie's Plan
by Macabre Puppet
Summary: A little story about how Yuffie tries to get Cloud to fall in love her and her attempts to matchmake Vincent and Tifa along the way. [CloudYuffie, VincentTifa][Yuffie's POV]
1. Chapter 1

Standard disclaimers apply. I don't own FFVII, never can and never will.

I felt like writing something silly, and this idea just suddenly popped into my head. Sorry all Yuffentine fans but this will most definitely not be Vincent/Yuffie. I just find that pairing… Disturbing. No offence! I know there's _a lot _of Yuffentine supporters out there.

This will be a Cloud/Yuffie and a sort of Vincent/Tifa. I've never tried a Cloud/Yuffie before and I thought it'll be interesting, so here I am writing this. Just wanted to try something new.

* * *

I, Yuffie Kisaragi, am officially in love.

…What? Now you take that back! So what if I'm only 16! I'm old enough, thank you very much. I don't need another (ugh) overly-protective father around me, no way! I've already got one back at Wutai already, and trust me – he's a handful! I mean, you haven't seen PROTECTIVE until you meet my dad! You wouldn't believe how crazy he was when I was a kid, for example, that time when I was six years old. Being the innocent, young (and have I mentioned beautiful?) thing that I was then – and still am now, of course – I just couldn't resist climbing that huge tree in the backyard. It was there, just beckoning for me to come and climb it, so of course I did! I had nearly reached the top when – Oh, sorry, I'm rambling.

Anyway, I bet the question in your mind is "Who's the lucky guy" right? Well, of course it was someone hot! Do you think I, the lovely, beautiful, multi-talented ninja, would choose someone old and ugly? Uh-uh, not happening, no way. Speaking of hot, there's the target of my affections walking right this way…

You can't miss that hair anywhere! Blonde, spiky and oh-so-sexy. I wonder how it'll feel if I ran my hands through it. Of course, I might not even be able to do that, seeing how much hair gel he uses. You cannot _believe _how vain this guy is! He preens in front of the mirror all day and hogs the bathroom for hours in the morning. Sometimes we even have to -

Right, rambling again. Can't help it, you know? It's a habit. Ah, there he goes flicking that hair out of his eyes. I have a thing for blondies, so sue me.

…What's that? You don't believe me? Oh, fine, fiiiine. So I like brunettes as well. And redheads. And green, purple, orange, you name it. So you got me there. But this time it's for real! Really. I've never felt that way about anyone before…

Now, don't you DARE say "I've heard that before" in THAT tone, buster! I'm serious, really. I know everyone thinks I'm just that immature little ninja whose only goal in life is to steal materia but that's not true! Not _completely _true anyway. Every girl wants to fall in love, and I'm no different. I really think that I see the _one_ in Mr. Blonde Hottie over here, and yes, it's more than just physical attraction. Sure, I've had crushes. Many, in fact (Including Vampy over there, but he was really too gloomy for me), but this time it just feels… _Different_. I can't explain it, really.

Oh! I haven't told you his name? Isn't it obvious enough already? Who else but Cloud Strife would have such a hair style?

Don't give me that look. Yes, he's 21 years old. But it's only 5 years difference, and besides, love has no boundaries, right? Right. Besides, I don't only like him for his looks. I'm not THAT shallow! I know, I know, I haven't known him for very long, and I haven't really had the opportunity to talk with him properly, but there's just _something_ about him. Something very appealing that attracts me to him. I saw the way he acted when Aeris was around and he could actually be a really sweet guy! And, he was actually nice to me when I was feeling sick on the Highwind, unlike _some_ people. (A _certain_ coffin dude, for example) I think that's when I started liking him, and now…

I'm completely, head over heels in love with him!

"Hey, Yuffie! Are you okay? You've been sitting there for quite a while now," Tifa laughed as she shook me out of my thoughts. Tifa Lockhart – beautiful, tall, strong. She was everything you could possibly want in a girl. Jealous? Me? Hah!

…Fine, I _am_ jealous. A little. Don't rub it in.

It's not fair that a woman could be so beautiful on the outside _and _the inside as well. I can't even compare with her. (But that doesn't mean I'm not pretty, because I am!) Anyway, Tifa here was Cloud's childhood friend, and also happens to have more than a little crush on Cloud. One could even call it love. And you know, she's a really nice person… And even I would feel bad if I stole him from under her nose… Unless…

"AHA!" I shouted, jumping up and pumping my fist in the air. I had a plan! A plan that would get Cloud to fall in love with me, and make Tifa (and a certain other male) very happy as well. I just hope it'll work. No, it _will _work! Since when did one of Yuffie Kisaragi's super duper plans not work? Hah, Yuffie you're a genius for sure. I beamed happily.

"Yuffie… Are you feeling alright…?" Tifa looked at me, obvious worry on her face. Oh right, I forgot she was there. I gave her a huge grin and nodded my head.

"Yup! I'm feeling perfectly fine! Just had a sudden thought just now, sorry if I scared you!" I rubbed my head sheepishly and settled myself on the couch once again.

Tifa laughed a little and smiled, satisfied with my answer. "Well, I'll just leave you to yourself, alright? I've got tons of things to do before the others come." I nodded and she went off to do whatever she was doing. I suppose you might be wondering why I'm here with Tifa and Cloud (who was currently doing something in the next room) and what was going on.

It's been a few months since we defeated that Sephiroth guy and, oh! Did I mention what nice hair that guy had? Yeah, so he was a total maniac (his mother is just a head, creepy) and he tried to kill us all more than once, but man, you should see that hair! Soft and silky… Hey! I never got to ask him what shampoo he used… Not like he'd answer anyway. He'd probably say something like "Die!" and then stab me with his 4 foot long sword or something. Can you imagine? What a way to die! I can totally imagine my tombstone now – 'Here lies Yuffie Kisaragi, stabbed to death while asking Sephiroth advice on hair care'. Always knew I'd die in an interesting way. People would probably come to my grave and laugh instead of mourning away. 'Yuffie always was the joker!' they'd say. 'Always good for a laugh!'

Whoops, guess I started rambling again. I really have to try to end this silly habit of mine. As I was saying, it had been a few months after we defeated him, and everything was more-or-less back to normal. The only difference was that Tifa had moved back to Nibelheim, and had set up her "Seventh Heaven" bar there after Midgar was destroyed. Why she would move back to the place which held all those awful memories, I have absolutely no idea! She seemed pretty happy anyway. Cloud, Barret and Marlene lived somewhere nearby as well, as did Vincent (who still insisted in living in that musty old mansion). Cid went back to Rocket Town, Nanaki to Cosmo Canyon, Cait Sith went back to Reeve, wherever he was, and me? Well, I went back to Wutai, but I got bored and when Tifa called me to come over, I thought – Why not! I have nothing to do over there anyway and Cloud was here! What further incentive did I need?

You see, Tifa had this wonderful idea of getting us all back together for a little reunion. Not much, just a small get-together again. Just as long as everyone (minus Aeris, because you know, Aeris was gone. Didn't really talk to her anyway, but she seemed nice.) was here, together again. That was all that mattered to her anyway. Since I had nothing to do in Wutai (damn, it's boring over there) I decided to come a day early to, you know, help out.

And here I was, sitting on her couch and thinking about Cloud and other random things. Big help, huh. And you know something amazing? Tifa actually managed to convince Vincent to come. Yup, Mr Antisocial himself! It was because of that fact, plus my love for Cloud that enabled me to come up with that oh-so-awesome plan of mine! Listen up, because you're only gonna hear it once!

Ahem.

Yuffie Kisaragi's absolutely fabulous plan to get Cloud Strife to fall in love with her  


1. Get Tifa to forget Cloud

2. Get Vincent to fall in love with Tifa, and vice versa

3. Confess my love to Cloud

4. Get Cloud to fall in love with me

OF course that's not it! What do you think I am, an idiot?

…Okay, forget I even _asked _that question. It was rhetorical, sheesh. Like I was saying, that's not ALL there is to my plan. I know it's not that simple. Getting Tifa to forget Cloud is like… Is like… Um… Is like really hard, okay! Don't give me that look! So I can't think of a word, so what? It's not like YOU haven't, huh. Geez. Give me a break, I'm only 16!

Anyway, what I was trying to say was. Getting Tifa to forget Cloud just like _that_ was definitely not going to be easy. But when Yuffie Kisaragi is faced with a challenge, Yuffie Kisaragi deals with that challenge! She will not give up hope! Now, getting Vincent to fall for Tifa. THAT was a greater challenge. He was still (kinda) moping about his dar-ling Lucrecia, gosh. Well, _sorry_ for not being sympathetic, but seriously. It's been freaking 30 years already! Give it up, man! Back to the point. What gave me this idea of pairing Tifa with Vinnie? Well, it was kind of obvious right? I don't know that many guys (don't you dare tease) and those that I _do_ know are kind of… Old… I don't think Tifa wants to marry a crabby old Wutain elder, right? Some of them are just downright creepy! Like old man Tachikawa down the street. I don't even want to _think_ about the two of them together. Tifa's nice, but not _that_ nice.

I scanned through all the possibilities. Some were either too young, but others were just too old! Out of all the guys I knew (sort of), I came down to about 9 candidates – Barret, Cid, Vinnie, Reno, Rude, Tseng, Shinji, Akira and Seiichi. The last three were friends from Wutai, and unless Tifa went to Wutai by chance or I brought them here, they couldn't really meet. And there wasn't time to make all those arrangements! As for Reno, Rude and Tseng… Well, I didn't really know where they were, and they were enemies, to say the least. Hello? They tried to kill us more than a "couple" of times. I suppose they're out as well. Which left us with the guys in AVALANCHE. Ooh, I forgot Cait Sith! But he's not human. Reeve? Hmmm… Well, if Vinnie doesn't work!

You ask me why not Barret? Well… They're good friends, but that's it, right? He's, like, what? 50? And Cid's got Shera, although he doesn't _admit_ it, there's gotta be something! Hehe, maybe I ought to do _something_ about it… Yuffie's Matchmaking Service! I could set up a shop. Dad would be so proud. Yuffie Kisaragi – Matchmaker _extraordinaire_. I can see it now… I'll be rich! Famous! And I'll be able to get any guy I want, even Cloud!

Fine, fine, back to what I was saying. Stop being such a nag! You sound like my MOM or something. What – a girl can't dream? Okay, okaay, I get the point! So since I cancelled everyone else out, the only option left was Vincent, right? The more I thought about it the more I thought he was perfect for her! He was Mr TDH (Tall, dark and handsome, duh!), gentlemanly, silent (make that VERY silent) but deadly. Oooh, sexy. Nah, but he's not my type. He's way too _blah_. Cloud is the perfect one for me! Besides, I've seen them talk before. You can tell that he does like her to a certain extent. At least, more than he likes _me_. I tell you, that man _hates _me or something! He has that… That… Irritating disapproving glance (or glare, more like!) when he looks at me. Like I'm dumb or something. Hnh. But he never does that around Tifa. In fact, if I recall correctly, he _distinctly _said that he was glad she was alright.

Hah! And if THAT doesn't prove anything…

As for Tifa, she always treated Vincent like just another one in the group (although a lot of us thought he was scary. Hey, wouldn't _you_ be a little frightened?) and she would talk to him sometimes when no one else did. Heh, all the evidence. This will be way easier than I thought!

Now all I need, is an accomplice. You weren't expecting me to do it all by _myself_, were you? And I've got just the perfect person in mind.

* * *

Well, how was it? Too dumb? Too stupid? Or did you actually _like_ it? Comments and constructive criticism will be appreciated!

It was kind of hard to be writing in Yuffie's POV, as I'm not THAT big a Yuffie fan. Alright, I'll admit it, I don't even like Yuffie all that much. Sorry if she's out of character or anything. Tips would be great.


	2. Chapter 2

**Yuffie's Plan Chapter 2

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**

_She was a shadow. Blending in with the surroundings, she crept down the darkened hallway, making sure to move quickly, but stealthily. It wasn't too difficult. She was used to this. After all, she was only the best in this game. She looked around her for any threats or signs of danger. Nothing. 'Excellent' she thought to herself, letting a slight smirk grace her lovely face. It was all going according to plan. Soon, she will reach her destination, and –_

"Yuffie! Why are we sneaking around like this?"

That automatically snapped me out of my thoughts. Alright, I have a vivid imagination, so sue me. That just means I have a very, extremely active brain. Really. How dare he snap me out of my deep reverie! I quickly turned and clamped my hand over his mouth, glaring at him a little for interrupting my little narration. Well, I'm assuming it's a _he_. You can never be too sure with robots. And knowing Reeve, that weirdo-who-talks-to-and-through-dolls-even-when-he-is-in-the-same-room (Whew, that took quite an effort to say!), you never know.

"Shh!" I hissed, "Do you want everyone to know that we're creeping around?" Some muffled sounds came out of the doll/robot/whatever. I'm quite an expert at muffle-language, after all, I've had years to hone that skill. (I'm practically a professional at this. I could become a teacher. A professor! The only one in the world who has mastered the skill of muffle-language. Not an easy feat, I might add!) Right now, he/she/it seemed to be saying something along the lines of… Oh wait, never mind. I wouldn't like to corrupt your unblemished minds.

In short, he was _indignant_ that I had kidnapped him (How could he use the word _kidnap_! I did not _kidnap_ him… I merely _requested of his presence _for a while.) – indignant! Imagine that! – and he was claiming that I had _mistreated_ him. Nonsense! I did nothing of that sort…

Alright, it's true that I had… Picked him up from his room and stuffed him into a big canvas sack. I prefer to think of it as giving him a more _comfortable _journey. Saves him the walking! Okay, I DID drag him along the floor until we got nearer to my special hiding place – also known as the _lavatory _(You got that right! That _lavatory_, not _bathroom_. How crude.) – and I _happened_ to drag it over a couple of bumps. It wasn't anything really and it certainly wasn't intentional! It's just a coincidence that the floor was covered with marbles because I was playing with them just now (Out of boredom, mind you. I'm _not_ a kid! You take that back this instant.) and that there were some sharp objects (think knives). Yup, pure coincidence. How can Cait Sith be angry with poor young innocent me?

Oh, right. I haven't explained _why_ he's with me in the first place. Didn't I mention that I had a perfect accomplice for my super-duper plan in mind? Yup.

Hey, don't give me that look! So what if he's just a robot. Excuse me? What? Stop _laughing_! Man, I swear. If I wasn't so _tolerant_, I would give you a nice, hard punch. Cait Sith is absolutely perfect for the job! He's like the sneakiest one in the group, after _me_ of course, and he'll go along with anything… For a price of course. This is where my dud materia comes in! Hah, I knew it'll come in handy _some_ day. Can you believe that when I wanted to buy it as a child, my dad wouldn't allow me to? He claimed that it was a waste of money. He just didn't realise how _great_ it is, especially in times like this.

When Cait Sith sees that _absolutely genuine_ Bahamut and Odin materia, I'm sure he'll do whatever I want him to. Oh, Yuffie, you genius!

I'm sure you're wondering why Cait Sith is suddenly here. Well, not only is Cait Sith here, but everyone else is as well. Oh, didn't I mention that today was the planned meeting day? Oopsies. Guess I forgot! You should have been there when everyone came! First was Cid, and wow, he had this brand new airship called, uh, Sarra or _something_ like that. (My memory is _not_ going!) Anyway, it _so _sounds like Shera… Heh. I bet he named it after her, since he always names his ships after someone he knows. Ooh, something to tease him about! (Or _blackmail_, whichever comes first.)

Next were Cait Sith and Nanaki, because Reeve couldn't come. All the better! Less distraction for Tifa. I mean, you never can be too sure right? I know _I_ would be distracted, seeing that Reeve isn't really all that bad looking. In fact, he can be pretty _hot_, if you think about it, in that "older man with moustache" kind of way. Besides, he has yummy long hair that could rival Vincent's… Fine, I'll admit it! I had a teeny-weeny crush on him _last time_. Not anymore! And it was a tiny one, really! (You're giving me that skeptical look again! Stop it or I'll stuff my fake materia down your throat.)

After that, it was just Barret and Marlene and one of the key people in my plan – Vincent! My God, you should have seen him. He still had that cape and bandana but you know what? You know _what_? He. Took. Off. His. (Vampire) Cape. I swear, if I weren't already in love with Cloud… He was _sooo_ cute. Okay, _cute_ was an understatement. But, nope, Cloud is the only one for me! Vincent may be cute, but that's all he is to me. Believe me! (Did I mention that Marlene was absolutely adorable? And that she had the prettiest necklace.. I wonder how much it's worth if I pawn it or something… OW, watch it! That was my head you were hitting.) Oh, oh! And guess who he greeted first? Yup. Not me, nor Cloud, or any of the guys, but – you guessed it! – Tifa! He said it in that nice low, supple voice he had "Hello, Tifa." Not 'Lockheart' or 'Ms Lockheart' or.. or anything but just 'Tifa'. Awww.

…Well, fine. He said hi to _Cloud _as well as to everyone else, but the fact that he greeted her first has got to mean something! Alright, alright, so she was the one to meet him at the door and took his cloak and everything and I suppose it's common courtesy to greet the person you see first, but I still believe it meant something. And he had the tiniest of smiles on at that time, which was not present when he greeted the others (well, except Cid, but Cid's a guy! Eww. Well, and Marlene. But Marlene is like 5 and he's 20ish! Or 50ish, if you wanna think that way.) so that's proof right there!

Wow, I sure digress, huh? Back to the present now. Didn't realise that I was standing there for so long with my hand clamped over Cait Sith and Cait Sith was getting more violent by the second. He was now trying to _kick_ me! Imagine that! A poor defenseless girl picked on by a strong robot cat. Oh, the injustice of it all! Hah. Bet I could kick his ass anytime. I shot him another glare and mouthed "Shut it, cat" and quickly ran over to the secret bathroom, carrying him all the way. He wasn't really as heavy as I thought, you know. I was expecting something really HEAVY, but he felt kinda hollowish. Heh, maybe that's why he's so dumb.

When I reached that place, I quickly threw him inside, turned to lock the door, and sat myself down at my favorite place in the bathroom – the bathtub. Thank goodness this was my "personal" bathroom when I was here, so no one else used it but me! Tifa's awesome for giving me this room with the bathroom. Have I ever mentioned how big Tifa's house was? Seriously, it's _huge_! And it's right next to her bar too. In fact, it's actually connected or something! I went around exploring the day before everyone arrived.

My room is somewhere at the end of this hallway (and it has the awesome bathroom we're currently in) and if you go down the hall, you'll see a couple of rooms at the sides. Let's see. Vincent is in the one furthest from mine, then Cloud's, then Barret's and Marlene's, Cid's, Nanaki's and Cait Sith's (Cait Sith doesn't need to sleep – he just needs to be _switched off_! It sounds fun. Maybe when I'm bored I could turn him on and off just for kicks). Tifa sleeps in the room just next to mine. And each bedroom has a different design. I have a feeling she decorated them specifically to our tastes.

Like mine is really cool – it's painted green and blue and the bed covers have some wutain words on them, and the lamps are in the shape of _materia_! I've always wanted something like that. And there's like this cool picture of a ninja hanging over my bed (although it can get a little scary at night, with those piercing eyes of his) and a clock shaped as a shuriken. Man, I really have to ask her where she gets all that! And if you thought mine was cool, you should see the others! Cloud lives here, so his was decorated by himself, but Cid's one has all these airship thingys and lots of techno mumbo-jumbo. Vinnie's is like red and black and just _cool_ and the one that Barret and Marlene shares has all of the drawings that Marlene sends over pasted up. Nanaki's and Cait Sith's is pretty plain, but there are like these _tribal_ things all around. And Cait Sith's side has a lamp with fake gil in it! I really should get Tifa to do up my room back in Wutai.

Ah yes, my plan. I still have yet to tell it to Cait Sith.

"Okay, what I'm about to tell you is strictly confidential, okay? You'd better not tell anyone, Cat, or you're soo gonna be dead meat!" Hah, I had piqued his interest. He nodded and urged me to continue. I started by telling him about my feelings for Cloud (during which he nearly burst out laughing, if not for my Yuffie Glare Number 179 which automatically shut him up) and then about the evidence for Vincent and Tifa and then my super-duper awesome plan.

"…So… What do you think? You want in, or not?" I quickly flashed him the two _authentic_ materia, noticing that his eyes were going to the bulging sides of my pants. (Don't be such a _perv_! I didn't mean it to sound so… so… like that!) He was immediately drawn to them, but I stopped him with my left hand. "Nuh-uh. No touching until you help me." I gave him my signature Yuffie grin. "So. How about it? Deal?"

He considered a little. Then nodded. "Sounds fun. Vincent and Tifa, huh?" An evil smile slid across his face. Well, as evil as the robot could do. "I'm in."

Perfect! Now all we needed was to work out the little details and our plan would be able to go into motion.

* * *

I had a terrible time writing this. Absolutely no inspiration at all, but I felt that I'd left it hanging too long. Hopefully I'll be able to write another soon… Well, some what soon. Again, please review! I'd love to hear your comments. Feel free to point out any mistakes you spot. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Yuffie's Plan Chapter 3**

* * *

You know, I daydream about _him_ a lot. Heck, I spend nearly every waking moment just thinking about his flawless complexion, that lightly tanned skin, beautifully smooth blond hair, those yummy rippling muscles on his arms… Even the earring on his left ear! I've practically memorised, no, I _have_ memorised his every feature, down to the very last detail. 

And, no, I'm not obsessed. No, really, wipe that look off your face before I do it for you!

Back to what I was saying. I daydream, see, about _us_ (if there was ever to be one). You know, stories my dad used to tell me about when I was a kid. Princes on horses (Cloud, of course), beautiful princesses (The lovely me) and all that. It's so romantic, being swept off your feet and carried away on horseback with your beloved prince. Mmm… If only real life were like that…

Heh, the closest I'll ever get to 'horseback' would be Cloud's motorcycle, which _I_ helped to pick out. Oh fine, along with everyone else, but _I_ was the one that brought them there AND picked out a few to choose. Motorcycles are kinda cool though, and I doubt I'd like those silly horses anyway. I'd choose a motorcycle any day. It's WAY faster than a horse, well, at least I think it's faster than a horse…

STOP LAUGHING! So what if I haven't seen a real horse before? Did YOU fight the great, almighty, Mr-I-have-such-nice-silky-hair Sephiroth, hmm? Are YOU a beautiful, powerful ninja _princess_ (princess, you got that?)? Have YOU ever - Alright, alright, I'll stop. But if you laugh again, there will be hell to pay!

See, now you've distracted me and I forgot what I was saying. What's that? Oh, yes, the plan! Heh, Cait and I did the details last night and it's awesome! No, I'm not telling you what's gonna happen. What's the fun in that? You'll just have to see it for yourself. Okay, now let me think… Everyone arrived yesterday, so that leaves me with about a week to get Cloud! Easy peas - Wait! ONE WEEK? Uh oh. That's a really, really, really short time! I'd better get started on it then.

Come on, Yuffie! You can do it, you can do it! Yes! You've gotten out of bed. Alright, now just have to go freshen up a little… AHHH! Who's that monster… in the mirror… Oh, wait, no. That was no monster. Just me. Heh. Did I say monster? I meant, uh, beauty! Yes. Oh, what was that scream for? I was in awe of my beauty, obviously. Du-uh. Alright, that's over and done with. Yuffie, you're a babe. Time to get out there and conquer the world!

Ooh, do you smell that? It smells great! Tifa must be cooking breakfast now. Let me just check the time... 7 am. Not bad. Everyone else (besides Vinnie who, like, never sleeps or something and of course, Tifa and me) should still be asleep. Good, good... Okay, before I start my plan in motion... Friendly, Yuffie smile? Check. Innocent bambi eyes? Check. Great, I'm all prepared!

STEP ONE: Get Tifa to forget Cloud.

Here goes... "Hey, Tifa! Whatcha doing?" Normal, happy tone. Good job, Yuffie.

"Making pancakes for everyone... You want anything special?"

"Nope, that's okay!" Don't sound too suspicious now... Wait a few seconds... One, two... Okay. "Sooo.. What's going on between you and Cloud, huh?" Just a simple question. Right. Just a concerned friend. Uh huh.

Whoops. Did I hit a nerve? Does that mean that they are not... Okay, get a grip on yourself. Don't jump up and cheer. Don't, don't, don't, don't...

"There's nothing between us. He... He said that I'm only a friend and he'll never..." Uh oh. How am I supposed to react? Uh, uh.. Okay. go over there and comfort her. Yes. Hand on back? Perfect. Make some comforting noises now, Yuffie!

"No, no, it's okay. I'm over it now, really. I've even tried dating other guys..." Phew. I suck at situations like these. Never did know how to react in these sort of circumstances. Hey, it's harder than it looks! Alright, back to normal bouncy-happy-Yuffie mode. If they aren't together, then I still have a chance... YES! Poor Tifa though, but no worries. Once I fix up everything and she and Vampy are together, she'll thank me.

"Other guys? Like who?" Heh. Who knows? This information may come in handy later... I gave her my most innocent look that just screamed tellmetellmetellme.

"Alright, so there was this one guy..."

* * *

Wow, it seems like Tifa's really gotten to know quite a lot of other people... Damn! If I had known, I would have come for Cloud earlier. Oh well, it's too late for regrets now. All that matters is that I'm here and Cloud's here and Tifa's over Cloud (well, kinda) and Vinnie is well, available, as always... So life is great and everything is awesome, whoopee. Now if only Cloud could declare his undying love for me, everything would be perfect. 

Am I not making sense here? I don't think I am, but I'm just so deliriously happy (Did I just use the word deliriously? Mark this day in history, boys and girls, as the great Yuffie has once again scored a _major_ vocabulary achievement!) that I don't care whether I _do_ make sense or not, not like anyone really cares anyway because most of the time I talk so fast I don't think they can really hear me and whoa that was a really really really long sentence.

Phew. Okay, MISSION ONE ACCOMPLISHED! God, I sound like those video games, you know, where at the end of the mission, there's always some music that goes dum-dum-da-dum or something and then this awesome, low voice goes "Mission Accomplished" and more dum-dum-da-dum music plays. Just between you and me, but I personally love those games. Especially the one over at the Wutain arcade-

Oh right, rambling again. You can't blame me, because I'm just so _freaking_ _happy_! I could kiss Cid or something... No, wait, on second thoughts... Eh, maybe not Cid (the cigarettes, you know). But you know what I mean!

"Yuffie? Yuffie..?" Oh, great. Tifa's looking at me weirdly again.

Scratching the back of my head, I laugh. "Sorry, guess I got lost in my thoughts again. Are the pancakes done yet? I'm starved!" I love Tifa's cooking. She's awesome, you know. She can cook up anything, anywhere. Hell, she even makes vegetables taste good and everyone knows how much Yuffie hates, abhors, despises vegetables. Especially those silly stick-like things with the leaves on top. Celery or something. Always thought that was a silly name and oh yes, I'm talking too much yet again. Correction, _thinking_ too much.

"Here you go!"

I take a bit of the fluffy pancake. They are _really_ good! Hah. Too bad you can't try it. "Mmm... Tifa, you're amazing!" Well, that was what I was trying to say but with my mouth filled with pancake and syrup, it turned out more like "Mmmfff... Triifer yourgem maiizhging". Could pass off as German, actually, if you don't listen to it long enough.

After I finished off my pancakes (I took six! I'm such a pig.), I helped Tifa set the table and put my dirty plate in the sink. Then the both of us sat down at the table and talked a little more.I wonder where everybody is.. It's already 8! Oh well, maybe they're just sleeping in or something. No biggie. More time for Tifa and I to talk. (And more time for me to convince her that Vinnie is _the_ one and only she's been looking for her whole life!)

I put on my mischevious-Yuffie look and turn towards her. "Hey, Tifa, have you seen Vinnie around anywhere?" It's called tactics, honey. Don't ask her the question straight up or she'll know that you're up to something! Build it up, that's it.

"I think he went out for a walk. He walked by the kitchen as I was preparing breakfast."

"Oh, I see..." What now? Oh, so Tifa, don't you think he's just so hot? Nah, that won't work. I think you and Vinnie make such a cute couple? Uh, no. How about... "I don't know how you can have conversations with him, you know? Everytime I go up to him he's like all 'ohmygodgetawayfromme' and then he gives me that look. You know the one that goes 'Yuffie-you-are-an-annoying-brat-leave-me-alone'? Yeah, that one. It's scaaary, I tell you! But he never ever does that to you..." I pause to take a breath. "It's so unfair! How do you do it, Tif?" Pouty Yuffie look, yup, there you go, girl...

"He's actually a pretty nice person, Yuffie. You just have to be patient with him." Patient? Hah! I've been very patient... Really... (Shut up, you.) "He's had quite a bad past, so he's rather wary around people. That's just the way he acts. He's not _that_ bad, you know?" Yeah, yeah, yeah... Standing up for him already, Tifa? Not bad! This is going even better than I thought.

"I suppose... Alright! I'm gonna go out to town for a bit, just to look around." And maybe find Vinnie and do some investigating... "See ya!" I wave to Tifa and bound off towards the door...

...And bang into something big and hard. "Oww... My head..." Damn, it hurts. What or who did I bump into anyway? A pillar? Oh wait, Tifa's house doesn't have pillars.

"Hey, Yuffie, you ok?"

Ohhh no. That better not be who I think it is...

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Haven't updated for AGES! I hope this chapter was satisfactory. :) Sorry, no Cloffie (or whatever it's called) action yet. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Yuffie's Plan Chapter 4  
**

* * *

Oh, dear God, my face must be so, so red. This is not happening, this is not happening, this is SO not happening... I look up into the clear, blue eyes of... his... and... Damn, it IS happening. Here I am, on my (very lovely) behind, face all red, looking completely, _completely_ undesirable in front of the most to-die-for man on Earth. 

You got that right. It's Cloud right here, darling, and I was so not prepared. At all. God, this is so, so embarrassing. Maybe if I just sit here and close my eyes, he'll go away... Yes. It's working... It's working...

"Yuffie?"

...Not working. Darn, just go away and let me be all embarrassed by myself will you? Maybe then I can start thinking clearly and, you know, not get distracted by your oh-so-gorgeous face and lovely hair and - oh dear - is that your hand on my shoulder? Stop distracting me! Yes, I'm fine, and I'd be better if you weren't staring into my face and... and putting your (very smooth) hand on my shoulder and speaking in that lovely, deep voice you have...

"I'm fine, Cloud," I tried saying and cringed. What is _wrong_ with my damn voice? It's so squeaky and high all of a sudden. And I can't even talk properly. God, Yuffie, you have it _bad_. Oh no, what if he realises why I'm acting so weirdly? Maybe he knows! Maybe he suspects something! Oh no, oh no, oh nooo... You made it too obvious, girl... But he IS rather dim, I mean, he nevers notices anything! Not even the time when Cait and I put that cute little ribbon into his hair and made him walk around a whole entire _day _with that! You should have seen the look on the others faces, even the monsters we fought against were amused to a certain extent. He's so dumb like that. (But super adorable anyway) Let's hope his dumb-chromosomegenewhatevers are working in overdrive now. Maybe he doesn't even notice my red face...

"You need a hand? Here, let me help you to the couch..." Cloud murmured as he helped me up (Oh, swoon! And he hadn't noticed - or at least said anything about - my face! Thank goodness.) and together we stumbled-walked-hobbled to the couch, which thankfully, was nearby. "Tifa! Yuffie kinda injured herself, so we need some ice here!"

"Coming!"

I felt something touched something near foot and, oh my, there was Cloud gently massaging my ankle. Somehow, in all that excitement (so called), I had injured it. And never even realised. I gave myself a mental whack on the head. How could I not have noticed something as significant as a sprain? Sometimes you're more blonde than Cloud, Yuffie... Well, heh, look at the bright side. Here's the man of my dreams massaging my ankle, putting ice on it, and awww.. he's so sweet. He's looking after me. What a sweetie Cloud is!

"There, all done up now... Feeling better?" Ehhh..? I looked down at my ankle. Oh! He had even bandaged it and everything. And it feels just like it did before. Oh, damn, my face is heating up again... Thank God I grew my fringe long. It's great for covering up, you know, when your face looks like a tomato or something. For example, now.

"Umm, yeah, thanks Cloud!" Good, at least my voice has returned to normal, although my face hasn't. Stupid face turns red so easily. Must have gotten my dad's face genes or something. He turns red so easily. At everything! You could ask him 'How's the weather over at Wutai?' and he'll get all red. Like, seriously, seriously red. Or if you bump into him, he'll turn red. Or if he stands in the sun for like, 5 seconds. I swear, it's that bad. Thank the heavens that I didn't inherit the whole thing, or, my God, I'd be turning red every 2 seconds.

Damn, I must have been thinking to myself for too long. Cloud's giving me that look. You know, the oh-dear-has-our-darling-Yuffie-gone-mad? type of look, which Tifa has been giving me the past day or two. I can't help it! I'm naturally talkative. And there's really no problem with talking with yourself, you know. It's those that don't that you oughta worry about! "Well... If you're feeling better now, I've got to go get some stuff for the party we're having tonight. See you later, then."

He stood up to go. Oh no, you scared him off! Now he'll never like you and you'll have no chances at all... See, he went off without even saying anything about my injury. He thinks you're nuts! Yuffie, you silly girl, you -

"Take care of that ankle, Yuffie."

- overreact. He cares about my injury! Oh, joy! I felt like standing up and jumping for joy, but - ow - my ankle wouldn't permit it. Well, there goes my plans of the little investigation. Maybe I could get Tifa over and pry more things out of her...

But I feel kinda sleepy though... I _did_, after all, wake up earlier than my usual 1 pm...

* * *

_  
He takes my hands in his and looks into my eyes. He's earnest and nervous, slightly flushed, but still as beautiful as ever. He's trembling, I can feel it. He pulls me closer and slips something onto my finger. I'm smiling so wide now that I think my face will crack. I don't even have to look down to know what he did, and oh, this is just what I've been wanting... For so long now. The moon is out and we're sitting on this bench as we stargaze and, oh, it's perfect. It is, it is.  
_

_"Will you?" He murmurs softly as I admire the lovely 24-carat diamond that had just been placed onto my finger. It's beautiful. I look up, tears brimming at my eyes and throw my arms around him, startling him for a moment before he places his arms around me to return the hug. I turn my head a little and whisper into his ear, "Oh... Of course I will... Cloud..." _

_"I love you..." He turns my face towards his and we come closer and closer before he finally closes the gap and...  
_

"Yuffie..? Yuffie...?" No, no, no, no, no... Let me dream, please, I don't want to stop. Stop shaking me! Let me.. Argh, it's gone! The dream is gone! And just before the good part too. My eyes snap wide open just to find Tifa's huge wine-coloured eyes staring into my face. Big change from the lovely blue ones in my wonderful dream, which _someone_ here just had to wake me up from. A sudden wave of irritation swept over me. What does she have to say that's so important that she had to wake me up from my dream! Hmph. As though whatever she did was more important...

"What do you want?" I snapped, irritation clear on my face. No, I'm not in a good mood, and go away please, thank you. Excuse _me_, but I'm not the unreasonable one here. I mean, how dare she awake me from my dream!

Tifa's bewildered look and soft 'sorry, Yuffie, I won't disturb you then' snapped me out of my little "bitch fit". (And contrary to popular belief - don't think I don't know - I don't regularly BF, thank you very much.) I quickly grabbed her by the arm and apologised for my behaviour, blaming it on "not being a morning person" even if it wasn't really morning (unless 4 in the afternoon was considered that, but I sincerely doubt so) but you get what I mean, don't you?

"So... What did you want, anyway?" I suppose I _was_ a little harsh just now. But Yuffie Kisaragi feeling guilty? Nuh-uh. Not over something as trivial as this. Oh, God, I swear I hang around old people too much or something. I mean - trivial? Since when did I ever use that word? Tch. Soon I'll be all "Oh, yes, and I think the polyglomerisation of the _canus lupis_ are indeed fascinating. It's just a matter of slaying a brace of avian creatures with just a single petrous conglomeration, to put it simply.", like that weirdo elder guy. Freaky. I hope I never become like that!

"Yuffie! You weren't listening to a thing I was saying," Tifa sighed in exasperation as she rested a hand (the same one that shook me awake, damn) on her right hip.

"I was!" Well, actually, no I wasn't, but.. Meh. She'll think I'm crazier than she already thinks I am, probably! She raised an eyebrow in that 'alright-so-what-did-I-say' kind of way. Fine, fine, you win - this time! "...Alright, I wasn't. Sorry?" Hehe.. No one can resist my number one Yuffie pout which is oh-so-adorable and makes people wanna just give you a hug and the best thing is - it's copyrighted to _me_! So only I have the right to use it. BEAT THAT! Muahaha! Damn, I really _am_ going crazy. Blame it on love, baby, because it's causing me to act strange.

"Oh, yes. I just wanted to ask if you would help me decorate the bar a little? I got Vincent to help, but I don't think he can do it alone... Cloud's out getting stuff and everyone else seems to be somewhere and I know you were napping and all but I was hoping..." And she gave me that sweet Tifa-exclusive smile that no one can say 'no' to, and of course I agreed to help. Besides, my ankle was hardly hurting now and she looked like she really needed the help and since Vinny was there... Well. I'd say a little "interview" is in order...

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Sorry for the late update! Reviews would be fabulous. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Yuffie's Plan Chapter 5**

Gah, he's refusing to talk to me, as always! 'Stop calling me by that name', he says, 'Stop talking so much blahblahblah.' I roll my eyes as he gives me another of those looks. _Why, hello, my name is Vincent Valentine and I'm an annoying prick of a man who can't say anything more than 'stop this' or 'start doing that' or even better, just '...'._

"Are you just going to stand there?" He raises his brow and I stick out my tongue. Hmph. Why, I don't even know why I'm trying to get Tifa and him together. This is for the good of both of them and he _damn well_ be grateful! After all, it's not everyday that someone tries to matchmake you to a woman who is beautiful both inside and out! When my plan succeeds he will be grovelling (can you imagine Vincent grovelling? What a sight that would be!) at my feet, thanking me for the wonderful job I did. I can just imagine it now. 'Oh, Yuffie! Thank you so much for bringing Tifa and I together! Please, accept this humble gift, I'm forever indebted to you!' Then I would look down at him (in the same way he always does, intimidatingly... Well, as intimidating as a I can get) and I'll raise my brow and say '...' and walk away! Or maybe something worse. No, not maybe. Definitely something worse.

Maybe I could burn his house down. Or steal all his valuables, if he has any. Or we could have a little blanket party.. Watch out, Valentine! If you conti- Oh, look. There he goes again, clearing his throat and giving me that look. Fine, fine. Interrupt my thoughts will you? All you needed was someone to help you hold your freaking ladder.

We worked in silence for a while more as I thought of a good way to get information out of Mr. Silent Like A Tomb here. A casual "Hey, so like.. Tifa's single right now, isn't she?"? Nah... Won't work. Valentine's way too sharp for that kind of thing. Should I be direct? Or.. Hmm. Dealing with him is so much more difficult than dealing with Tifa! He's so hard to read and he _never_ gives me a proper answer. As though I'm just some kid. (Which I'm NOT, so shut up.) Maybe I'll start off asking whether he's had any girlfriends lately.. No, wait. He'll just think that _I'm_ interested in him. (No way) Arghhhh. Why can't he be stupid and oblivious to everything like Cloud? That would make things way easier.

"Would the two of you like to have a break for a while? I made cookies if you want them."

Tifa's voice broke the silence so suddenly that I jumped, causing the ladder to shake, Vincent still on top. I quickly regained control of myself and gripped the ladder tightly. I bet Valentine will have a ton to say about this incident now. He's _always_ jumping on me for every little thing. "Ms. Kisaragi, you should be more careful and blahblahblahblah..." I'm not a damn kid, Valentine. So I make a few mistakes. I'm human! It's not like I made you fall or anything. (Oh, the horror!) Oh wait. I forgot. I'm talking to Mr I'm-so-Perfect here. I looked up and, whoop-de-doo, there was Valentine giving me another of his glares again.

"Are you alright, Vincent?" There goes Tifa, being the concerned little mother hen once again. _"Here, let me plaster that. Do you want cookies? Sit there, don't move. I'll bring them to you. You need a blanket? Stuffed animal? Wrench? Cooking pot? Flower from the highest mountain in the world? No problem, I'll get it in a jiffy! Just sit and relax!" _I let go of the ladder (it doesn't fall) and walked over to where Tifa was standing as she fussed over the (clearly) unscathed man. Oh puh-lease. He's completely unharmed, woman!

Oh, who cares about them! Dear Vinny's enjoying the attention anyway. How many times a day does he get a pretty woman fussing over him anyway? Now, where were those cookies she was talking about anyway? I don't see anything here. Maybe it's in the kitchen or something.. "Hey, Teef.. Where did you put the.. ahh..." Just _look_ at them! For the love of God... Now if that's not (at the very least) attraction, I don't know what is! I don't think I've ever seen Valentine with a softer look on his face. Soooo much better than his dumb glares and his holier-than-Yuffie attitude. Tch. Tifa has all the luck.

Shaking my head, I walk out of the room. I can't stand all that stupid mushy stuff. Unless, of course, it's Cloud and I. Mmm... Cloud... I wonder how Cait is doing? Well, he'd better not mess it up, stupid cat. If he dares to- Oh, hello there, cookies. You smell delicious! I'm sure Tifa won't mind if I had one, or two.. Maybe a couple more. Mmmm, yummy! I love Tifa's cookies. And her cakes. Oh, not forgetting her pies.. Mouthgasm at it's best, seriously! I don't think I've eaten better food anywhere else. Sure beats those weird stuffed jellyfish/octopus/crazy seafood concoctions they come up with in Wutai. Just thinking about it makes me queasy.. Ughhhh.

"Wow, you sure finished off those cookies fast!" Tifa exclaimed incredulously as she walked into the kitchen.

...Huh? When did she come in? I looked over at the plate with the cookies. At least, the plate which used to have cookies. Oops. There was only one left on the plate. God, how many had I eaten already then? I'm going to be so fat. And Cloud won't like me because all I'll be is a big blob of blubber (Alliteration! Go me!) and who likes that anyway? No longer will I be as agile as I am now. No longer will I be able to jump onto tree branches and hide there while spying on unsuspecting victims because once I jump up the branches will break under all that weight! Fat, fat Yuffie Kisaragi will be fated to stay a lonely, fat blob of a spinster, unable to do anything but sit around because she's too fat to move. Oh god. Nooo. That can't happen! I'm too young! That does it. I have to go on a diet. No, no, no. Bad idea. Yuffie Kisaragi never goes on diets. Diets are evil. I'll have to exercise more. Eat healthy (oh noooo.) and all that rubbish. Yes, that's what I'll do.

"Yuffie, you're doing that blanking out into space thing again..."

Oh right. "Eheheheh.. Just thinking." I have to stop doing that! It's just that once I start thinking, I can't help but continue thinking. I mean, it's normal right? To think about something which leads to another and then goes on to something else and so on and so forth? I'm sure I'm not the only one who does that. I remember I once had this teacher who could link anything to something completely different. It was really funny because she would be like "Alright, let's do math" and five minutes later, it's like "...and then she was swallowed by the giant octopus!" See what I mean? Since we're on that topic, I remember once I was late for school and - Whoops. There I go again. I can't help it! Okay. Focus, Yuffie, focuuuussss.

"Heh.. I guess I did it again. Well, I'll go back and do those decorations! Great cookies! See ya!" I bounded out before she could get a single word in. Since Tifa was done with Vamp, this would be the _perfect_ time to ask him about the her! He'll probably be in a state of complete euphoria or something after their little intimate moment just minutes before. Was it minutes? But how can anyone eat like 50 cookies in a few minutes? Nahh.. I'm not even that fast! (A rare moment of humility, yes.) They must have been there for a long time. Damn, I missed the good parts! Oh well, whatever. Mushiness is disgusting anyway.

I re-entered the bar once again just to find dear old vampire man sitting in one of the stalls thinking. Again. It's getting boring. I should do something to snap him out of that.

"Yo, Vinny! Missed me?" Hah, that did it! Fine, scowl at me all you want, I don't care. I wonder what they did just now though.. Alright, alright. I'll ask. It's not like me to be cowardly anyway. "Sooo... What did Tifa do to you, huh? Huh? Bandage up your poor little injured hand? Aww, Vinny.." Ah great. Damn me and my big mouth. Betcha he won't answer that. He takes every goddamn thing so seriously! He's like.. joke-phobic or something. Tell him a joke, poke a little fun and him and BOOM! YOU DIE! Okay, maybe not THAT drastic, but you get the idea.

"...Don't call me that. Tifa and I were merely discussing the decoration plans for the bar and how long it would take..." Ooooh. That guy is unbelievable! Don't take that condescending tone with me, Mr. High and Mighty! Don't think that I can't sense the accusatory tone underneath those words! Hmph. I can hear the hidden message, alright. _"Yuffie Kisaragi is a slacker and a nuisance. Blahblahblah I am perfect blahblahblah." _Ooh! I have an idea...

"Tch. Whatever. You're no fun, Valentine! Anywayyyy... Don't you think you should get something for Tifa? Y'know.. A present or something! Since she's been, like, so nice to you and all, so it's only nice of you, isn't it? That woman has been helping us COOK and CLEAN and ORGANISE and the least we could do is do something, right? Yes? Of course! I mean, not that you'll be the only one getting her a present, of course, because that would just be downright FREAKY because it might give her the wrong idea, you know, but it's, like, uh.. What's happening is that we were thinking of getting her stuff! Each of us, you know, maybe a toy or something, get it? Well, anyway, would you like to get her something?"

I grin widely as Vincent blinks once. Twice. Hah! This always works. Never once has my super rambling powers ever failed to confuse someone. My grin grows even wider once I hear Vincent's hesitant and slightly confused answer.

"...Hmm. Okay." That's Vincent's way of saying he doesn't really know what you're talking about but he's agreeing anyway. His "hmm"s are equivalent to the typical "uh" or "umm". How do I know? Uh. I just.. do? Yeah. Ehehehe. Come on, now, focus! Cloud! CLOUD! Oh yeahhhh, baby... Come to mama.. I mean, oops, hehehe.. Vincent, yes, hello. What were we saying? Oh yes. Gift. Tifa. Gift.. Hmm. Romantic gift!

"FLOWERS!"

Vincent raises a brow.

"...Flowers?"

I nod furiously. Flowers were PERFECT! Now, let's see.. It's about 4 now, the party starts at around 7.. Decorations are just about completed.. Vinny is being dumb and confused... Wonderful!

"Yes, flowers! Come on, if we go now, we'll be just in time to get them and come back before the party starts!"

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Reviews would be _much_ appreciated. I hope this chapter wasn't too boring or anything. I know not much has happened, but I'm intending to have the party in the next chapter and the one after that will either be the last one or second last. There'll definitely be more Cloud/Yuffie action in the future! 


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